Like a stopped clock...

The New Year's spanking new shine is beginning to dull slightly, Christmas is packed away for another eleven months, we're back into our little routines, except what happens when you don't have a routine?  What happens when the new year hasn't really begun for you... it's just hanging around at the starting line, stalled?  Like the train announcer's lazy excuse, there is snow/flooding/leaves/a person on the line.

You start out with good intentions, you buy a diary, you make plans, you check the job ads and you try to establish a routine regardless.  But after a couple of weeks of looking at your lovely new diary's empty pages, you're still making plans, but you start to press that snooze button a couple more times in the morning.  You start to scale your plans down a bit.  You receive a rejection letter: it's good news, you're over-qualified. Or you don't match the criteria as well as someone else.

Or you just don't ever hear anything.

You start to consider jobs which you don't really want.  You know your heart's not in it and it will show at interview if you are lucky enough to get one, but you apply anyway, because a diary filled with job application deadlines is better than one filled with nothing at all.

You don't get an interview for the job you didn't really want in the first place.

The clock ticks.

The taps drips.

You start to talk to yourself.  You have those interviews anyway... in your head.

"Yes, I really love interacting with the general public and I found working in Customer Services really rewarding. You talk so many interesting people!"

"I'm passionate about participatory arts.  I really believe that community involvement can make such a difference in people's lives."

"I'm very keen to work with young people because so many of them are so talented and yet just don't get the opportunities they deserve."

"I was awarded a distinction for my Masters and my writing was consistently marked at this level throughout my course.  It was hard work, but it was worth it!"

"Oh yes, I do have a good sense of humour! I wouldn't be here interviewing for a minimum wage job in your cafe otherwise, would I?  Ha ha!"

Oh, how we laughed!

We got on like a house on fire, we really did... but obviously I still have other applicants to see.

Thanks for coming in today, Madelaine... I'll be in touch.

Self discipline is distinctly lacking...

But good intentions are here....

2010 was a year of out with the old in with the new, it seems.

I became a student again.
I spent 9 months of it travelling solo in S.E. Asia.
I realised I'm definitely not the girl I once was.
Some old friends fell by the wayside, only to be replaced by some new ones.
My infernal drifting from one job/country/obsession to the next seems to have lead somewhere after all.
I think I finally said goodbye to a major ratbag in my life...

Roll on 2011.

This year I'm going to take more care of my friends.
I'm going to suck up everything my Masters throws my direction.
I'm going to stop being passive agressive, but learn to be direct without pissing too many people off.
I'm going to manage my money better.
I'm going to get back into being healthy.
I'm going to stop being afraid to make something of my life.
I'm definitely going to recover some of the joy lost over the last few years.



and finally...


No musicians, actors, barmen or socialists.